Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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