saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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