i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
