look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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