Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
