to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
