Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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