i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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