They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize