Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
