Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
