And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
