the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
