and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
