Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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