My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
