I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
