It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize