I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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