I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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