rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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