I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
