Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
two words: eviction party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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