I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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