Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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