i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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