another moral hangover. fuck.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
