I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
