Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
