you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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