Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
