Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
