theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize