i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
