I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just puked most of my soul out..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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