That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
