I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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