May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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