I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just pee around me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
