I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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