exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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