I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
