I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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