I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize