yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
