I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
