We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
