I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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