Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
