I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
