WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize