I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Someone signed my nipple.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
