is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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