I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
