So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize