This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
