the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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