i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize