Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
