On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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