By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
