So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stole a fireplace last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
