tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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