I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
