i think my mom watched the whole time
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
