I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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