you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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