Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
