I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
