I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
