biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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